for some reason i have the song, “all my ex’s live in texas” stuck in my head.

So, as some of you may know I have been working on “the plan” for about 3 and a half months now. And I can sadly say that I fell off the “not buying things” wagon (well not really but I will explain further in a bit).

Initially I was spending pretty much zero dollars…no eating out, no movies, no anything. Then I realized that that was a bit extreme-the point of this plan is to remove myself from attachment to things because of the status that I assume is gained with them. Then the realization came that things such as eating out with friends or going to a movie together, etc… is not done for status, but rather to engage in communal activities with the people that I enjoy. Okay-I can handle that.

As of late I have received the privilage of moving into a new house (well-not really a house-a trailer. Yup, it’s true). With moving comes the necessity for a few new things here and there. I initially hesitated to use the word necessity, but I think its applicable-so necessity it is! I decided that dishes are okay (a person has got to eat) and rather than getting a nice new set, I went the Value Village route-in order to try and move away from buying pretty and fancy new things. I am not sure how I feel about the dishes. I mean I actually love the dishes, but I wonder if I like them too much. Did I get these oddly mismatched dishes to try and fit into some sub-category of cool (i.e. earth friendly, hippy-ish, etc)? I hope not, but perhaps yes.

I am, however, proud of myself for not buying new bedding. I really really wanted to. The bed that I have now is a double and all my bedding is for twin beds–so that little devil that sits on my shoulder (you know the one, I bet you may even have your very own) told me that I should remedy this problem. But then that bright little angel on my other shoulder reminded me that I could use some of my parents old stuff! Problem solved-but not without a fair amount of grief surrounding the whole ordeal.

Through these and other such similar struggles I have come to learn a few things about the plan.

1. The plan has taught me that it isn’t about spending money-it is about paying close attention to the motives behind why I want new things.

2. I originally was upset about how easy it is at times to not buy things or not even think about buying things. But really this just goes to show how little we need from this world. And don’t get me wrong, sometime it is just plain hard, and I almost have to drag myself out of stores. Sick.

3. I have found that I get a far greater joy when I can use the money that God has blessed me with to bless others in return.

4. I still desire to rid myself more and more of the attachment to stuff and gain a deeper respect for the friendships and relationships that I have. Meaning I want to more positively invest in those I love and those who God calls me to love. (If I have in any way neglected to love you the way you deserve to be loved, I am so, so sorry and would love to make it up to you-seriously.)

and as a result of all these realizations and ponderings, last night I chose to intentionally fall of the wagon. I bought three books. three books that I would like to read for me. three books that will not change how people see me. three books that will grow me as a person and having nothing to do with this silly world or my silly desires to be apart of it.

So-in the end, if this is falling of the wagon of the plan-i think i am okay with it. what do you think?

so the truth of the matter is that summer is coming.
to me that means:

• i should give my pony (or rather, larger horse) a good brushin’ and i should see him more often.  he lives with one other horse and two cows-one of which is pictured above.
• i should find my checkbook (not at all related to summer coming-just a fact.)
• i have to adjust to the abundance of people that flock to this place in the summer months.  which will most likely be a positive adjustment!
• i should get a bike
• i need to pack up my room for one more move (hopefully the last for a long time…i haven’t lived in one place for more than 9 months since graduating high school back in ‘02) sorry mom and dad, that most likely means some of my stuff is headed your way-unless i get the unlikely blessing of getting to use one of the sheds out here to store some of my stuff-cross your fingers?
• i need to pray more (again, this isn’t just as a result of the summer months, but coincides quite nicely)
• i should also play my guitar more-i’d like to learn to lead worship within the next year or so, and honestly i think the one thing holding me back is my guitaring skills.
• maybe i will cut my hair.  it is getting quite long and the summers in this region are fairly warm.  however, i do love the feeling of long hair on my back (no, NOT back hair, but hairs from my head being long enough to swoosh across my back.  sicko.)
• i also want to journal more frequently.  this used to be something that was so natural and so good for me.  and i stick with the “good” part, but it isn’t so much “natural” anymore.  sadness.  but habbits (good ones) take awhile to form-and i’m willing to put in the time.  journal it is.

so really, in the end, summer means time for a freshening up of life.  beginnings (such as summers) are always good for that sort of thing.

Babies are such an interesting thing to me…

Rob and Becky had their baby-Sophia Joy-and it wasn’t until I visited the hospital the day after she was born that I realized how foreign the concept of birth is to me!

This baby was inside a person-then one day she decided to come out-and now she’s real…of course she was real the whole time that she was growing inside her mommy’s tummy-but  it didn’t feel real until I saw her.

And boy, is she beautiful.  I looked at her and saw that her eyes were seeing things for the first time-her skin is feeling air for the first time-her nose is smelling things for the first time.  All of these firsts are experienced with wonder and amazement (and of course a bit of crying…)

But maybe the coolest part of her experiences is that she has always known love since the moment she was discovered-and now for the first time she gets to know love in the context of her mom’s gentle touch, her dad’s adoring eyes, her sisters’ curious gazes, her grandparents’ gentle words, her aunt’s smiles, and so much more!

The wonder of a new baby is so perplexing to me.  I still can’t put my finger on it-but a new life exists-and we all get the joy of loving her and showing her this world and protecting her from hurts and helping her find true Love in the arms of God.

It is a blessing to be entrusted with the task of raising God’s children-maybe you are raising children of your own, maybe your’s are grown, maybe your children are yet to come-but it is all of our responsibility to look after God’s children-it is a big task and I pray that we are all up for the challenge!

Cheers to you, baby Sophie.

.i want to walk my doggy.

Today’s picture is a delightful one that I took just weeks ago at our “March Family Birthdays/Easter” family gathering.  Oh, that reminds me…check out my pictures-new family, horse, friend, etc…pictures up!

Due to a previous failed attempt at meeting (due to a fallen tree, lots of wind, down power-lines, and the slow response of the power companies to remote areas such as yelm…) Becky and I are going to celebrate her October birthday today.  This entails lunch, a visit to Anne Taylor Loft, maybe a stop by the photo store to develop MEXICO PICTURES(!!!), going to a Painted Plate type place, maybe a stop by Tyler’s Starbucks…and MORE!

This is going to be glorious.  Except for the fact that I have to feed the horsies at camp today…boo hoo!   Just pray that it doesn’t rain between the hours of 7pm and 9pm (my guess is that I will feed sometime within those hours).

ok. woot. out.

i spent the vast majority of this day cleaning. cleaning toilets, cleaning showers, cleaning sinks, cleaning mirrors, cleaning. i’ve noticed that when i clean, i am quite meticulous. i spend a tad bit too long on each thing just to make sure i’ve gotten it perfectly right-with no dirt or hair or other such grossness left behind.

sometimes i think i should do this with my life. spend all day cleaning. cleaning my heart, cleaning my soul, cleaning my mind, cleaning my faith, cleaning. being quite meticulous on matters of faith-spending a tad bit too long on each bit of me that needs examining, just to make sure i’ve gotten it perfectly right. now, i know that when it comes to matters of self there is no such thing as reaching the ultimate “perfectly right”–but what i mean is to reach the “perfectly right” that exists for the person that i am-and the person that i am becoming.  but i want to clean me in order that there is no junk and other such grossness left behind.

i live in a place surrounded by God’s beauty and so frequently i am more prone to sit inside and mope around than to explore God’s world that He has given for you and me–and to take advantage of this place–using it to rediscover myself as God’s child.

i guess it is time to go clean.

jumping up and down.

jumping up and down.

jumping up and down shout hosanna HOSANNA!

So…here’s the new plan:

I just got back from Mexico last saturday (Feb. 16th) and while I was there I had a few realizations. It took me awhile to pinpoint things, but there was a bit of an icky feeling while I was there. And what it comes down to is that I was slightly disgusted by how much I am influenced by the popular culture of the day. Many of you who know me well may look at me-and my lifestyle (in particular the way I dress, etc…) and think that I am not too caught up in that world. but i think i am or at least the inclination is in me-and i don’t much care for that.

SO you may be asking yourself what this has to do with any sort of plan-and here it is…

having been inspired by lent, as of Feb. 17th, I have decided not to spend any $$ on clothes, jewelry, music, dvd’s, etc…for the next YEAR. I haven’t firmly defined the lines yet-and maybe i won’t (just to keep myself from being too legalistic) but the hope is that by doing this I will always think twice before taking advantage of the resources God has blessed me with.

Please don’t read into this as me trying to be a “super christian” or that I want attention or anything, but I am really excited about the ways that God will grow me through this. Even though it has only been a few days I have been thinking a lot already and have enjoyed the freedom that comes with knowing that I have made this choice and that I CAN’T spend money-so it removes this want to dress right or have the right things or know the right music.

It has been a long time coming that I have needed to give myself to God in some new way-to honestly admit that I am nothing and He is everything-this is my attempt. Wish me luck.

and if you have any questions or suggestions or words of wisdom or challenges or anything-let’s talk. I like people a lot and hope to find them more through this experiment.

the update:

In responding to a message from the lovely Sloane “Wrigley” Quackenbush, I came to a new conclusion about my plan for this next year…

I just don’t like having that deep attachment to my “stuff” i mean, who really cares about stuff in the long run, it is faith and life and relationships that truly matter and if i am putting more energy into stuff then i am putting less energy into the things in my life that deserve my attention and hold true value. And what I truly desire is to value the people that God has placed in my life as much as He values them and to help them find their worth…so if there is any way that I can help you-let me know. If you need to talk, if you are confused about your faith, if you have questions, doubts, aspirations, passions, I want to hear them. I may not have any great advice, but I will listen.

here it is.  the beginning of my internet adventure?  that sounds kind of lame, but what can you do.

this is an ongoing process, but eventually will be home to my photos, a blog, and more…I think.

woot. and peace out.